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Today is the tenth anniversary of the day Ben and I started dating, and I wrote this in its honor. I love you, Ben! (And this isn’t meant for you to read until tomorrow, so if you’re on here, get lost!)

“Heya, KJ. Come find me when you get a break in your problem set, OK?
I’ve got something important I need to ask you.” I promised Ben I
would and headed down the hallway to find Auna, Matt, and the rest of
the Phys 12 gang already started on our homework. As usual, they
hadn’t made any progress; it was looking like a LONG night. I tried
to concentrate on the physics, but my mind kept wandering back to Ben.
What did he need to ask me?

Somewhere in Colorado, August 2000. (Don’t mind our expressions; it was a tad windy.)

“So how’re things with Tony?” Matt asked, knocking me out of my reverie.

“Uh … we broke up, so not so good.”

Banff, Canada, August 2001.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Matt said, not sounding too sorry at all.
“What is it with Tech women and long distance relationships? They
never seem to work out. I wonder –”

“Excuse me, but I need to go to the bathroom,” I said, cutting Matt
off. I didn’t need to hear his theory of Caltech relationships.
“I’ll be right back.”

Having an absolute BLAST at a Scott Family Get-Together, probably December 2002.

When I exited the unisex lavatory at the end of the hall, I found Ben
talking to Auna. “Come find me; I need to ask you something, OK?” I
was crushed. I’d vainly hoped that he needed to ask me about
something personal, like a date. But Auna was the most gorgeous girl
at Caltech, and I knew that if Ben were to choose between me and Auna,
I’d lose in a heartbeat. I walked dejectedly back into the Phys 12
work session.

Half an hour later, I decided that I might as well just go talk to
Ben, because I sure as heck wasn’t getting any work done here. I
excused myself from the group and made my way down to Ben’s room.

A hike in the San Gabriels, June 2003.

“Hey, Ben … you said to stop by so you could ask me something?”

“Come on in!” he answered jovially. “How’s Phys 12 going?”

“Abominablly,” I admitted. “I haven’t even gotten the first problem
yet.”

He looked at me sorrowfully at me, then rather nervously. “So
… wine and candlelight is next month, and I was wondering if you’d
like to attend with me?” Wine and candlelight is Fleming House’s
winter-term formal event. I’d heard that the soc team would buy you
any kind of drink that you asked for in advance. It sounded like fun,
and there was nobody I’d rather go with.

I’m gradumacated! June 2003.

“Uh … sure! But what about Auna?” I was too curious. Was he
lining us up so that if one of us declined he’d have a chance with the
other?

“What about her?” Ben asked innocently.

“I overheard you tell her to stop by so you could ask her a question,
too.”

“Oh, that,” he chuckled. “I didn’t want her to feel left out. I have
nothing to ask her. I should probably come up with something.”

I left Ben’s room beaming. I finished my Phys 12 problem set at
7:30 that morning, still high on Ben’s attention and not at all mad at
the professor for taking so much of my time with so worthless a set.
I would be Ben’s date!

******************************

Friday night, I was working diligently on my computer science homework
when a walkie talkie suddenly landed at my doorstep. I mean “landed”
literally; somebody had tossed it there. I stood up from my computer
and picked up the mysterious gift.

“Hello?”

“This is the work police. You’re under investigation for studying too
hard; it’s Friday night, for heaven’s sake!”

“But I don’t get CS,” I whined. “If I don’t work on it now, I’ll
never understand it!”

“I’ll help you with your homework on Sunday,” the stranger said, and I
instantly knew it was Ben. He was a CS1 TA, and he’d helped me
before. I took a gamble I knew I’d win.

“Would you like to watch a movie or something?”

Two hours later we were halfway through “The Shawshank Redemption”.
We were in Ben’s room, watching it on his computer while snuggled
under the covers of his bed.

“Let’s finish the movie tomorrow night,” I suggested. Ben quickly
acquiesed. I ejected the disk, which allowed me to weasel my way out
from under the covers so that on my way back in I could play footsie.
After five minutes of that, Ben began to speak.

“What are we?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“Are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or just friends? Either one is fine
with me, but I’d like to know.”

“You can call me your girlfriend.” I smiled at him. To my relief, he
smiled back.

“So today’s our anniversary, then. February 4, 2000.”

“Why do you care?” I asked, shocked out of my skin that my boyfriend
would care about something so trivial as a calendar date. I cared,
but I wasn’t expecting him to!

“It’s just nice to know.”

We stared into each other’s eyes for a while, taking in each other’s
pupils, which had grown large with love. Finally, after an
interminable pause, I gathered my courage, leaned in, and kissed him.
To my surprise, he kissed me back.

******************************

Two weeks later, we were in his room again. It was 10:30 Friday
night. I turned to him and said, “I know you said that some people
don’t say this until they’re married, so please don’t feel you have to
say it back, but I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It’s true to this day. I love this boy, this man, more than my own
life. He combs our dogs with nary a peep from them; takes me to the
hospital when I’m pooing blood; cooks Thanksgiving dinner sans
complaints and sans help from his exhausted, pregnant wife; drives me
to Denver to go to the OB; and sits and waits with me, virtually,
(he’s in San Fransisco) for the results of our amniocentesis. The
only thing that’s changed isn’t the fact that I’ve had two strokes or
he’s shaved his head (he was losing that battle long before we started
dating), it’s the strength of our love.

To quote the Beatles, “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.” May we
have a lifetime of tomorrows to celebrate our love!