Annie’s Would-Be Birthday
Annie Laurie,
Today would’ve been your birthday — June 12, 2010. It makes me sad to think of what would’ve been. Daddy driving me to the hospital, checking in (all that paperwork!), labor (fun, fun, fun …), an epidural (which I want because without it, I’d be too exhausted to enjoy the rewards!), pushing, and then the really cool part: getting to meet you. You’d cry for a minute but then calm as you were put on my chest. I’d look in your eyes and just grin uncontrollably — and probably cry some, too, because getting to meet you was so spectacular. No sad tears! Daddy and I would count your fingers and toes like we did in February when we met you. As Jim said on “The Office,” “I’m sure it hasn’t changed since the last time we counted: six on each!” =) Then, with the help of a nurse or my birth doula, I’d give you your first meal. As you latched on, I’d gaze into your eyes once again and feel SO blessed to have been given a beautiful daughter.
I want you to know, Annie, that the fact that you were born before your time does not diminish the magnitude of the love that I feel for you at *all*. Some people may feel differently, but *I* say that the time I spent with you inside me was a gift. (You can have back the extra five pounds, though; I don’t need them anymore. =)) You could’ve been born green and with three heads and I would still love you with all of my heart. (You weren’t, though. Rest assured, you weren’t green and you only had one head, and it was gorgeous.) It’s a funny thing, a mother’s love: it sees all the good and forgets all the bad. And YOU — little you, with the ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes — you introduced me to that. I owe you one, darling. Thank you.
I don’t want you to be sad on your birthday. I want you to eat the cake and ice cream that Grandma has prepared! I want you to be excited for your presents! And please know that Mommy and Daddy would certainly celebrate with you if we could.
I love you, Annie Laurie. From the Earth to the moon and back. Daddy and I will “catch you on the flipside.”
Love, forever,
Mommy