Therapy
Whew, it’s been another busy week. I’d just about “gotten over” my travels when the Brantleys arrived two weeks ago. They stayed through Saturday, and then I needed ANOTHER half-week to recover. It’s not that we did anything difficult; I was just pooped. No problem, though — I slept!
Last Saturday, I met Liz Holzemer at Borders Bookstore, where she was doing a book signing. Liz just published “Curveball”, a book about her experiences with a brain tumor. I thought it was *excellent* because her experiences mirrored mine so closely. She was young when her tumor was discovered; her husband, a major-league baseball player, traveled a lot; and, like me with me strokes, she’d had brain surgery (although I didn’t have surgery, I definitely had *something* going on up there). However, I wasn’t sure just how *much* she’s like me, because she doesn’t mention being tired in her book. She is, though! =) (I’m not smiling because she’s tired, but because she understands.) She told exactly the same story; it’s a mental tiredness, not physical, and if she gets exhausted, that’s it — there’s no working around it. You can’t work through it; instead, you go to sleep and hope that tomorrow is a better day.
What’s more, I asked her to sign my notebook (as Ben’s “reading” the book and therefore I can’t “find” it) and told her my name was Kathy, and she said “… are you by any chance RocketGir1?” She knew who I was!!! I wrote her a LOOONG, 5-page email through her meningiomamommas website. She didn’t get to read it, but whoever filters her mail told her about me. Cool! (And good memory!)
When the Borders staff announced over the PA system that “There will be a discussion led by author Liz Holzemer upstairs in the cafe,” everybody was silent. Liz had been saying something, but she paused to listen to the announcement. That made me feel so GOOD, because guess what — I couldn’t have continued to talk, either! But in a group of about six people who’d all had brain surgery, it was the “normal” MO. =)
I rented some movies that night, including “Peaceful Warrior”, which was originally recommended to me by my friend Megan. It was just as good as she’d promised! It’s about Dan, a junior in college at Berkeley and a world-renowned gymnast. He suffers from nightmares, and he awakes in a start after one of them. He decides to go for a walk to calm down, and ends up in a gas station buying milk and cookies. It’s there that he meets “Socrates” (Dan’s nickname), a wise old man who has a couple things up his sleeve. When Dan leaves, Socrates suddenly ends up on the roof, and Dan immediately wants to know HOW. It would be very useful information for a gymnast! Dan returns night after night in hopes of finding the answer (which Soc stubbornly keeps secret).
Dan returns often, but sometimes takes a few weeks — or months — off. Soc’s lessons are sometimes a little too harsh for Dan to swallow, so he retreats to schoolwork and training. And then Dan crashes his motorcycle and breaks his femur in seventeen different places. Ouch. It looks like his gymnastics career is OVER. After contemplating suicide one night, he returns to Socrates for help. Help figuring out what to do now, help figuring out what the purpose of his life is … he just needs help in general. Socrates helps him, of course, and after a couple months, Dan announces that he’s ready to do “whatever you want me to do, Socrates.” Socrates says he’d like to see Dan resume his training in gymnastics.
Dan is flabbergasted. “But I’ve been working up enough courage to do something *else*!” he protests. Socrates, however, remains calmly insistent. Dan begins training.
I’ll stop there and leave the ending a surprise. You can see (hopefully) why I liked this movie; Dan’s journey mirrors my own. Granted, I’ve “only” got invisible cognitive deficits, but they make what I used to do — science — very difficult, much like a broken leg does for a gymnast. I thought for a minute that “It’d be nice to have a Socrates around!”, but then realized that I do. Everybody who’s helped me is a “collective Socrates”: the nurses and doctors in the hospital, my therapists, my friends, the lady who hired me at Sylvan, and my family. I’m not “there” yet, but at least I’m getting there. Or trying, at least, but I think the point of the movie is that trying IS getting there. So thank you =)
And then, on Thursday, Ben accompanied me to “real therapy” with Melissa and Mark. This entry is getting really long, and they didn’t say much anyway — Ben and I did — so I’m going to skip that visit and move on to Friday, when I went to tea with Kim, my friend from the Women’s Wilderness Institute. It was SO nice to talk with her; she’s had some medical problems, too, and is sort of in the same place as me: “Do I want to get a job? A part-time job? Or just volunteer?” She gave me some great suggestions; there’s the Earthworks group, which teaches teachers how to teach and needs scientist volunteers, and Intercambrio de Comunidades, an organization that uses volunteers to teach ESL to adults in the community. Even better, it’s one-on-one; you don’t have to stand up in front of a classroom of adults and teach. Thank you, Kim!