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Tuesday:

“What happened to your car?” Ben asked.

“Huh?” I said.

“It’s dented in back …”

“Oh. That.” He’d noticed it. “I backed into a pole.”

“Were you looking behind you?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. Or I thought I was. But not enough, obviously …”

“Sweetie … I don’t think you should drive anymore. I’m not mad, but if there had been a child instead of a pole behind you, you’d be in trouble. I don’t think it’s safe.”

“What?!!? No!!! I can drive!!!” I CAN drive. But Ben’s argument about a kid makes sense to me, too. For now, at least, he’s ferrying me around. It’s annoying for him, but he made the rule, so I’m not going to feel TOO bad for him. But it’s frustrating for me, too. I didn’t want to mess my car up, believe me! My strokes strike again … :(

The volume of stuff dribbling out of my nose has decreased. It hasn’t gone away, however. In class today, I sneezed, and I thought, “Well, that was gross, but at least I don’t have a bloody nose.” Five minutes after that, a trickle fell out of my nostril, hit my shirt and jeans, and … I had a bloody nose. In the middle of class. How gross is that? I thought it was disgusting! I went to the bathroom until it stopped. Yuck.

I’ve got another cold. I got a cough three days ago, and I blamed it on my LAST cold … but alas, it wasn’t the fault of my previous cold. My nose was really runny last night, and I couldn’t get comfortable. I have been blowing nonstop today. Because of the coumadin, my nose is bleeding, too … which sucks if you’re blowing all the time.

Try to avoid this one. It sucks.

A very exciting thing happened today when Ben returned from Las Vegas: Jake got a girlfriend! I’m going to let him tell you the rest of the story …

Daddy promised to go to the MGM Grand store while he was in Las Vegas. He took me there before, and I met the most beautiful gorilla there. Her name was Maria. Except this time, he had to go to a different store … and he couldn’t get a gorilla! He had to get a chimpanzee instead! At first I was a little skeptical, but she started talking to me as soon as we sat down together. Her name is Kate! And I love her! She’s great! Our kids will be gorpanzees (or chimparillas). Daddy said that they won’t be able to have children, but that’s OK. I guess. Still … what a wonderful girlfriend!

As you can see, Jake is thrilled. Stroke or no (he’s had three, just like me), he’s doing really well … you can’t say he struck out! (Get it?) :)

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first stroke. Ben used to say that in a year we wouldn’t talk about the stroke every day, but we still do. (Well, to be fair, he meant a year from my second stroke, which would be March, but …)

The amantadine didn’t work. It didn’t wake me up, and it didn’t help me concentrate at all. I confirmed this with a TOVA test on Monday. I hope that Dr. Stapleton has some more ideas. I see her on October 2 … that seems so far away.

I got a letter in the mail today from Dr. Smith. What a good idea! It is so nice to have everything written out. I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but I CAN … and I will. He recommended some more blood tests, urine tests, a spinal tap, and cerebral angiography. I’m not excited about any of these, but I’m willing to do them to find out what’s causing these strokes.

… Caden Michael Massa! We just got word from the hospital in Texas, via mom-in-law, that Jessica gave birth to a 7 lb 15 oz baby boy by C-section. Here he is, with his pround mama!

Yesterday I went to the stroke guru of Denver, Dr. Don Smith. He met with us for close to an hour, and let me tell you, I’m getting REALLY good at the “neurologic exam.” I can stand up straight with my arms up and not fall over; I can touch my nose quickly with both hands, etc. It’s getting boring. And, as I suspected, Dr. Smith didn’t have any answers. He DID say that there are some more tests he’d like to run. (Oh, fun!) The most appealing one is a test that, like my TEE, determines whether I’ve got any holes in my heart. This test, though, doesn’t require anything to go down your throat :) They give you saline water through an IV, but the saline water has bubbles in it; then, they LISTEN to see if any bubbles make it to your brain. How do they do that?!?

I’m starting to understand why my strokes are “strange”; normally, if you get a clot in your brain, it occurs on the outer edge, where the capillaries are, and where a little clot *could* clog up the plumbing. My strokes, however, are right smack dab in the center of my brain — not anywhere you’d expect them to be. It’s frustrating because THERE SHOULD BE A REASON. This mystery shouldn’t be so tough. Hello, people, I’ve got strokes in strange places — can’t you figure out WHY? Come on! Help me out here!

Anyway, Dr. Smith should call in a week or so (I forgot to ask when, exactly) and let me know what tests he wants to do.

In the meantime, I’m going to get tested on Monday to see how well the amandatine is working. If you ask me, it’s not. I thought it was yesterday morning; I woke up and I felt like a cloud had lifted from above my head. It was as if I’d had a cold, and suddenly — POOF! — it was gone. It felt magnificant. It lasted until about 10:30 am. :( By the time Ben picked me up to go to Dr. Smith, I was exhausted. AAARRRGGHHH!!! Do you know what it’s like to be tired all the time? ALL THE TIME?? REALLY tired? It SUCKS!!!

Excuse my rant. But it does suck …