Home > Blog

I went to work today! I took the bus in (the 9:30 bus, not the 8:00 bus) — it’s really nice. I wish I didn’t have to transfer, but that’s alright. It was good to be doing something productive — which I actually was! The guys who’ve written the SPIDR code needed some clarification on the data I picked up at PMEL in Seattle; it’s good to feel useful! But most of the time I talked to people who wanted to hear how I’m doing. I thanked the nurse; she’s the one who called the EMTs. She said that as soon as she saw me, she was worried; I think she’s smart! She gave me the number for the police so I can thank the EMTs, but I’m still trying to get through.

I came home around 3 and then proceeded to watch about six hours of TV. The tiredness I feel from things like work is different from other tiredness I’ve felt. It’s hard to describe. It’s not just my body, like I went mountain biking and came home tired. It’s more in my mind. I can’t get back to 100% right now; it’s like I sleep and wake up 95% awake and 75% physically strong. (I trust that it will get better; this is just for interest’s sake.)

I need to vent about something: grr! Ben’s on a later flight than he thought. He’ll get home around 11 (instead of 9:15 like I had written down). I want him home! And the dogs are driving me NUTS!!! We had ONE trick-or-treater and when I opened the door, Bonzo started barking. Wailing! It drove me bonkers! I walked out from the media room today to find a FOOT LONG CHUNK broken OUT OF THE WALL by the stairs! They are bouncing off the walls. They need to be taken for a good run. Or have a good head-bashing. UGH. It’s so frustrating because they’re good dogs — I know they are! The training they need is just out of reach right now. I’m tired when I get home and I don’t feel like dealing with it, except for with their food. (They’ll do incredible things for their food.) I think I’ll have to suck it up and just do it from now on. NO BARKING, Bonzo!

It’s pretty windy right now. The windows are wavering — I can see it in the reflection on the lamps. Once in a while (I’ve heard it twice now), the wind gets really fast and the windows emit a noise like they’re warping. It’s pretty neat (so long as they don’t break)!

I wrapped up a wondeful visit with Dad this morning! Yesterday we went for a long walk out to Dad’s favorite spot — the house being built with SIPS. They’ve filled in all the walls (which are styrofoam molds that hold concrete) and added a roof. The house, while a little out of the way, has a wonderful view — you can see all up and down the canyon from up there.

Then we went to the mall :) We had some dinner, shopped for some chocolate (oh, it was SO GOOD), and went to the movies to see “Wallace and Gromit.” I’d never seen a W&G movie before; in fact, I didn’t even know they still animated in clay! It was, however, fanatastic. Even Halloween-ey! There was a short at the beginning of the movie, too; the four pengiuns from “Madagascar” getting in to some mischief. That was an even fantastic-er movie. It was a good day! We rounded things out by grilling steak (actually, *Dad* made dinner!) and soaking in the hot tub.

Oh, and we made Christmas ornaments with the holiday Sculpey that Mom gave me! (She also gave me two turkey salt and pepper shakers that belonged to Grandma — thank you very much, Mom! :P ) Dad and I both made the easiest Santa in the instructions. Mine turned out quite well! Dad’s didn’t. The instructions have two parts; one shows all the pieces you need to make, and the other shows your Santa all reconstructed. To me, this made things VERY EASY. Apparantely not for Dad. He made the face and the beard, for instance, then put the beard underneath the face. Strange :) In the end, Dad decided that his Santa would prefer being re-mushed into balls and put back into the container than being baked. :)

This morning we played Set, which I hadn’t tried yet — and it’s no problem! I THINK I’M GOOD AT IT!!! YAY!!! Granted, I *was* playing against Dad, who usually gets between 0 and 1 when he plays Mom and Kim. But that’s OK — I’ll take it! :)

Yesterday, I could tell that Bonzo and Chaco needed to get out. They had WAY too much energy. I decided to put them in the car and take them to Long Lake — again, the really *flat* hike out by Brainard Lake. This time, we couldn’t go all the way around — there was snow! The stuff that fell here during our early winter storm hasn’t melted up there. It’s gotten pretty icy, actually — I was comfortable, but careful. My balance is pretty good but I don’t think my therapists would like it if I fell on my head.

The trip was a total success among the dogs! They ran twice as far as I walked. They also swam, chased each other, chased snowballs … you name it, they did it!

My dad arrived today! We started his visit off by carving pumpkins. I was a little leary of my knife skills so I kept my pumpkin simple, but my dad carved a googly-eyed jack-o-lantern. Woo-hoo!

Then it was off to Boulder. The hematologist got my blood work back — nothing’s wrong. She’s going to consult Dr. Zacharias to see if I need to have the camera-down-my-throat test (to see if I’ve got a hole in my heart), but that’s pretty much moot because the echocardiogram showed nothing. Other than that she’s out of leads to follow; she said that she COULD just try other tests, but it’d be a fishing expedition and there’s not much point. It’s kind of frustrating to not know, but I guess that’s just how it is!

I went to a general practicioner in Boulder yesterday — mostly to appease my therapists. We talked about my stroke, obviously. I went over my story again, which I’m very good at by now :) Dr. Tawa was very understanding about my cognitive problems; I forgot several of my questions and he said that I could call him as soon as I remembered them.

Then, in the afternoon, I went to coffee with Pennie! It’s SO NICE to just sit and visit with someone who’s not paid to worry about my brain. We talked about the church pageant (which Pennie is trying to write!), and about my brain … but it was nice to talk with a friend instead of a therapist or doctor. (Actually, Pennie IS a therapist — she’s a counselor — but I’ll give it to her anyway :)

One of the things that Pennie asked was “What do you do all day?” I explained that I was, indeed, a little bored at home, but that in all honestly once I do my check email, do my therapy exercises, do the dishes, and go to the therapists or the doctor, I’m about ready for nap! But that got me thinking, and after coffee I decided to drive to the Hessie trailhead. It was pretty cold out so I didn’t stay very long, but it was nice to be outside. The whole trailhead seems very brown. The aspens have shed their leaves, the grass is brown, and the flowers are gone. It’s just waiting for snow now :)

And then Ben came home! We had time for a game of Outburst (in which I got trounced) and a soak in the hot tub before bed. He got up at 4am this morning for his flight to Las Vegas … ouch. But I’m sure he’ll make up for it :)

I had therapy again today. During physical therapy, Jill said that I was doing so well that it was my last time! Hooray! I also got to jump on the trampoline, which really made my day. I am not, however, up to the level of standing on it one-legged with my eyes closed. You try it :)

At occupational therapy, I asked Jean a lot of questions. My first was about the Sodukos; why am I SO SLOW at them? Jean said that she gave me the puzzles so I could see what my processing was like, and that she expected me to be slow. “Your intelligence is all there, I promise!” she reassured me. “It’s just the speed at which we’re getting that intelligence OUT that is slow right now.” That made me feel a little better. Next, I asked why my shoulder gets so sore when I write — which, by the way, I started doing this week! My shoulder’s always been a little sore because of the computer, but now it’s, like, REALLY SORE. Jean said that *was* due to the stroke (which is good; I haven’t come down with RSI overnight!); my whole right side’s weaker and it doesn’t like the position I’m in for my writing. She gave me some exercises I can do to relieve and prevent the pain.

When I came home, I ate lunch, went to the dump, yadda yadda, and then I lay down on the couch to read (a book that Prof. Janet Hering gave me! Cool!) and I fell asleep. For THREE HOURS. Which is probably why I’m awake now :)

I’ve had a good (non-tired) couple of days now!

Yesterday I took a walk with the dogs around the neighborhood. To make it exciting, I didn’t take a leash. As predicted, Chaco did very well and Bonzo did not. We have a slight misunderstanding about what to do when a car comes; I say sit on the side of the road out of the way, and Bonzo prefers to stand in the middle of the road, wait for it to come, and then chase after it. I can see what we’ll be working on in the near future …

I did a Sudoku! FINALLY! It’s weird, because before my stroke I imagine myself doing them very fast and nimbly, and now I’m slow as molasses. I spent FOUR HOURS on them before I got one. My goal is to finish the other two “gentle” puzzles before my therapy on Tuesday, because I’d feel pretty stupid if I didn’t … but I’m going to feel pretty stupid anyway when I bring the medium and hard ones back empty. I know the Sudoku puzzles are hard, but they’re not THAT hard. Wish me lots of brain food this week; I think I’m going to need it!

Today we went to church — me AND Ben! Something amazing has occured; he’s taking cough medicine. Eureka! Hooray! Two teaspoons of generic “Cough Suppressant and Expectorant” and he can sit through anything. Medicine is amazing. :)

Ben’s been holding out a big, surprise date for me! For this afternoon! Sadly, we woke up to fog, and Ben didn’t know if our date was going to hold up. He checked the weather and discovered that it was going to be sunny — yay! — but then he checked the CU Women’s Soccer schedule and discovered that they only have away games left :) Silly Ben. But that’s OK — we went to see the ever-so-romantic movie “Flightplan.” (Dad B, this is for you … unfortunately, “Flightplan” does not rank among “Best Movies We’ve Seen”. :) We walked around Flatiron Crossing a little afterward; we visited the Very Expensive Pool Table Store, checked out the creepies and crawlies at the Halloween Store, and learned about exibiting photography on consignment from a very nice lady at the Rocky Mountain Home and Decor store.

That brings us to now! I’m pretty tired, so I’ll leave you with a picture from my adventure with the dogs yesterday. Enjoy! (Oh, and I fixed the comments. Sorry about that!)

I started out today by bidding Ben a good-bye again. He’s off to California for a meeting with … well, I can’t remember. Sometimes, I like to think about what he’s doing. Today, I thought, “Well, he’s meeting with his colleague at the airport, and afterwards he’ll head to Craig’s house for dinner and an early bedtime.” But I was wrong … he and his friends from Caltech hooked up after his business meeting and went to the casino. There, Craig got a straight flush that beat another guy’s straight flush, and the straight flush is such a good losing hand that the casino grants cash for it! The table got $45,000! The guy who lost with a straight flush got 50%; Craig, who won the hand, got 25%; and the rest of them took $3000. That’s what I make in a MONTH!!! I don’t feel so bad for Ben anymore :)

After saying goodbye to Ben, I was off to therapy. I had physical therapy, which I again ROCKED, thank you very much, and then occupational therapy. Jean urged me to look in the newspaper for activities to join with people my own age. “What are your hobbies?” she asked. “Photography,” I said. “And .. skiing, scuba diving, snowshoeing, mountain biking …” She gave me a sad look and I said, “Let’s hope there’s a photography group.”

Then we played a math game, kind of like SMath (which is like Scrabble) but without parenthesis, which she said we could just assume were anywhere. I got stuck on some arithmetic — for example, I had a hard time figuring out 15 / 6 = 5/2, which shoudn’t have been a hard. (She didn’t know until I told her, though, because she took a fair amount of time on her turns :) On the other hand, I did pretty well on the concepts, as I should hope I would have! At the end of the game, Jean said “You did really well at that. You’re able to figure the arithmetic out without a calculator, and you think logically. You will do well at work; I remember that you use a lot of math.” I was glad for the complement, but sad that Jean’s one test — a game I played in third grade — could, for Jean at least, determine my work future.

I want to tell them that I used to be — and still am! — amazing! I want to open my ACM95 notes, or my ACM/ESE118 notes, or even my MAT203 notes from my senior year in high school, and show them what I was working on in math. I want to show them my undergraduate thesis on booming dunes, show them the NOVA video we helped produce, show them the work we’ve done on the Northern Death Valley Fault Zone. I want to do things like that again — or at least things of that *caliber*. It might take me a while, but I will!

I was pretty tired after therapy (heck — during therapy, too!), so when I came home I took a nap. After that, though, I took Jen’s advice and headed over to Fabric Peddlers, where I bought myself two skiens of yarn and an “arthritic crocheting needle” that’s got a big handle. Crocheting’s not exactly my thing, and please don’t ask me to make anything fancier than a scarf, but if I do say so myself it looks like a fine scarf!